So far, life has definitely taken me on a ride.
For the past three weeks, I have been on an emotional ride. After my break up with my boyfriend of 11 months, things were difficult. It shouldn’t have happened that way and it could have been prevented but maybe it was meant to happen. Maybe we had to come to an end..for the best.
The first week was truly depressing. I didn’t eat, didn’t smile and didn’t want to do a damn thing. Night turned to day and day turned to night. I became nocturnal. I stayed in my room to shut everything and everyone out. I cried everyday and even made myself sick. Every time I thought about him, I started to crumble. It took forever for the swelling in my eyes to go away. My cheeks were sensitive to the touch due to all the rashes I caused from wiping my tears away with my sleeves. Didn’t use a tissue…my mistake. I wanted to call him…wanted to beg him to take me back. But what good would that do? I was clearly a mess.
The 2nd week rolled in and I started to feel a little better. I started to find peace. Turned my negative into a positive. Turned in my resignation letter and signed a new contract. When I felt on the edge, I turned to a piece of paper, my sewing machine or a canvas. My father helped me knock down the wall in my room. Two rooms turned into one. I currently have the biggest room in the house. Started to see more of my friends and family and even witnessed my only big brother propose to his girlfriend. I also registered for summer school and can’t wait to start learning again. Things started to look brighter and better.
I’m currently in the middle of the 3rd week. I am currently in San Diego on a much needed mini vacation with friends and family. It was surreal. As soon as I landed, I couldn’t believe that I was away from home. Hanging out with my cousins and just relaxing was what I was missing.
The break up brought out the worst and the best out of me. I felt weak and lost at first but as time went by I grew stronger and stronger. Of course there were moments of weakness but I didn’t let it stop me. I have to go through these things. These are the challenges life throws at us. Kind of brings us back to earth. It’s a test. A lesson. Something we can grow from. Something we have to go through on our own.
I didn’t go looking for another relationship or run to the opposite sex for comfort. I didn’t change my status on Facebook or blow up my twitter feed with #TEAMSINGLE. Nobody needed to know right away that I was in pain or what I was going through. Very few people knew about the break up but didn’t know all the details. This is probably the first time I actually talked about it on the internet.
Why did it take so long for me to put an update about my relationship on the internet? Because I needed to make myself better and I continue to do so. I needed to heal and be able to express myself without saying negatives things about him. Of course I still think about him from time to time but I know deep down he’s doing ok. I was convinced that I needed to be with him in order to live…but…here I stand…alive…and well. He’s doing his own thing and I’m doing mine. We haven’t spoken to or seen each other in a while and I hope one day that will change. He was part of my life and I still want him to be…but in order for that to happen…we need to be better on our own. It’s definitely a challenge but it’s a challenge I’m willing to take.
“The decisions you make today determine your opportunities of tomorrow.”